Nearly every t-girl out there has a story about this, and to be honest, many of them are not exactly ringing endorsements: they are stories about men who’ve tried to date them, and honestly, some of the things those men have done would curl your hair when you hear about it. Unfortunately, there seems to be a lack of social graces and understanding by a lot of fellows who are attracted to t-girls, and all too often, even when they are well-meaning and nice guys, they step on their own feet and fail spectacularly in their efforts when it comes to attracting and courting the very special kind of women true t-girls are.
Fortunately, there’s help out there for them, and it comes in the form of a book on the subject of dating a t-girl written by the vivacious Amber Lynn. The price is right — Amber gives it away for free — but the advice she gives is priceless. I recently had a chance to chat with Amber, and she told me about herself, the book and what someone can get from reading what she has to share. Amber is a twenty-five year old pre-op transsexual, and by any objective measure, she’s quite a catch: she’s smart, she’s beautiful, and she’s got a kind soul. Anyone would be lucky to have her in their life, and should they manage to capture her heart, well, that’s a winning lottery ticket.
Like many of us, she’s in the middle of the process of right-sexing herself. At the time of this writing, Amber says that she’s been on hormone therapy for about a year, that she’s had breast augmentation and that she has many more miles to go on her journey towards being her true self. “For now, I’m so happy each day that I’m able to live more on my terms, in the gender that I feel is natural for me,” she says. “Life isn’t perfect, but it’s pretty good.”
On dating, Amber told me that she “started noticing a common theme among most of the men that I dated. They all seemed to have entirely the wrong understanding about me. Some called me a shemale, while some just assumed I existed solely for their sexual gratification. Many were insensitive or just had no idea what a t-girl goes through.”
In that, she noticed a common theme. “The irony was that they were all great guys who just didn’t know how to respond to me so I started helping them understand. What started out as me trying to educate guys I was dating, kind of took on a life of its own and I have gradually become known as a transgender dating coach,” she says. “My personal dating experiences as a transsexual seem to put me in an ideal position to help men understand what transgender women really need and want in a romantic relationship.”
Author and Dating Coach Amber Lynn
That’s where she took action. Instead of leaving the guys that were clueless foundering in a wasteland, she decided that sharing insight on the right way to go about things was a good thing for her to do. “I created an eBook that I call the T-Girl Dating Guide for lack of a more clever title,” said Amber. Along the way, her writing project expanded, as well. Not only did the scope of her book expand, but she also added a subscription option to help folks along. “[My book] was originally intended for men who are attracted to T-Girls but something interesting has happened. A lot of the subscribers are T-Girls who want to learn more about transgender dating, and even some women who want to know more about the subject. I have been very pleasantly surprised at the response. I have over 1000 subscribers that have downloaded the T-Girl Dating Guide and joined my mailing list. If I may make a shameless plug, it’s all free and available for instant download at www.tggirlfriends.com.“
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Not a problem. More than a few people could use that link.
From that starting point, we had a great conversation where it’s best to let Amber share her thoughts unedited and unexpurgated. As I mentioned before, she is intelligent and thoughtful, and every word she has to say makes perfect sense, not only to a man interested in dating a t-girl, but also to t-girl everywhere.
Tina: Why should a man interested in dating a transgendered woman seek advice? Don’t they want to be treated just like any other girl typically would?
Amber: You are absolutely right about transgendered women wanting to be treated like any other girl would. It sounds so simple but it’s one of the major deal breakers I’ve seen with men seeking T-Girl romance. The main problem is that most men have learned about T-Girls from the sex industry — on porn sites, in XXX videos or from the T-Girl escorts who exchange sex for money. In the sex industry such T-Girls are known as shemales, and the overt sexual connection is obvious. Unfortunately though, most T-Girls don’t work in the sex industry and we’re offended by the term shemale. Any man that calls me a shemale is (perhaps unintentionally) calling me a sex worker. I am not! I have spoken with a lot of different types of T-Girls in chat rooms, on message forums and in person. We all seem to have some transgender term that we prefer to use to refer to ourselves. A few may even embrace the term shemale but most of us are repulsed by it so transgender admirers should pay close attention to my advice on this matter.
Tina: What in your opinion makes someone (and the term makes me shudder a little) a stereotypical “tranny-chaser?”
Amber: Tranny chasers are those guys who don’t have a clue. The perception is that they are interested only in their own satisfaction, and that (to them) T-Girls are sex objects to be enjoyed or conquered. They are the guys that log into a chat room and instantly type in “a/s/l” (age/sex/location) or ask if there are any shemales that want to go down on him. It’s as if they don’t get it, that these T-Girls are real humans with feelings, needs and desires of their own. If a man gives the perception that he’s only interested in sex then he’s going to be labeled a tranny chaser or a troll and he’ll be shot down by virtually all the T-Girls I know, and he’ll never know why. It’s a shame really, because a lot of these men are really nice guys.
Tina: How can a fellow avoid that dubious label?
Amber: Much of what I do is try to provide information that will help men achieve success. Let’s face it — some men are going to be self-centered and arrogant. They aren’t the ones that will take the time to read my T-Girl Dating Guide anyway. That is probably best because a girl can use his behavior as a barometer of whether she wants to get to know him or not. T-Girls should demand respect and mutually rewarding relationships, just as any woman should. So, the men who are serious about dating T-Girls, and I don’t think that’s such a bad thing, will take the time to learn about the transgender community. They will read and join discussion forums, engage in friendly social chats and perhaps read my dating guide to gain knowledge and understanding. That will help them avoid the negative stereotypes and it will help them achieve T-Girl dating success, where the relationship is positive for both parties.
Tina: Do you have any success stories where someone has used the information you present, and used it as a guide to forge a successful and lasting relationship?
Amber: I enjoy people and one of the most rewarding things for me is getting feedback from online friends. I’ve heard from a number of people who have found the information in dating guide to be helpful.
One of my early success stories stands out in my mind. I met a gentleman named James on a dating site. He referred to me as a shemale and seemed more focused on having sex with me than getting to know me. But he was also interesting and intriguing, and came off as a pretty nice guy. I learned he was actually looking for a long-term relationship. I corresponded with him and eventually we began dating. I explained to James about the different types of T-Girls and what we go through, along with my own needs and desires. I found that he was willing and even eager to learn, and he really was a gentleman after all. I just had to give him a chance, and let him know my boundaries. We dated about 6 months but then I had an opportunity to move to New York. He couldn’t leave his job so we painfully decided it was best to break it off and continue as friends. I still talk to James often. He is a wonderful man. He has found a new T-Girl love and they have been dating for 2 months. It seems they’re working things out and I’m happy for both of them.
Tina: Any advice for the other side of the coin — what advice would you give a transgendered woman in her pursuit for healthy and happy relationship with a man?
Amber T-Girls need to realize they are special and desirable. We need to set a higher standard for the men we date, just as any woman should do. We shouldn’t settle for a user, a cheater or a selfish, arrogant man. We deserve to be treated with respect and we should expect a mutually rewarding relationship.
No T-Girl needs to be sitting home alone on Saturday night. I used to sit at home wondering if anyone could ever love me, but then I discovered the truth. Believe me; we all have lots of options. It’s just a matter of making yourself available. I’ll be talking more about this in the second edition of my dating guide.
So, finding dates should be no problem, but finding Mr. Right will take a little more effort, just as it does for any other woman. Don’t ever settle for anything less than a healthy and happy relationship.
Tina: You’re a beautiful woman. Surely you get lots and lots of offers…right? (smiles… you surely have to if an old crow like me does)
Amber: (laughs) I do get a lot of offers, some from men who should’ve read my T-Girl Dating Guide first. One of the interesting paradoxes I’ve noticed is that T-Girls are in short supply, at least relative to the number of admirers. Men need to realize this and step up their game if they truly desire transgender romance.
Tina: What’s next for Amber? A sequel or second edition?
Amber: I have been working my fingers to the bone! I’m working on a second edition of the T-Girl Dating Guide which will include more information about what a T-Girl should look for in a romantic relationship. I’m also learning how to shoot photos and videos so I’m reaching out with a Youtube channel also. I spend a lot of time networking on Facebook and Twitter as well. This has been a fun and effective way to meet new friends and get my message out.
Tina: In conclusion, ever the gracious person she, Amber had this to end our time together:
Thank you for the interview. What great questions! It has been a pleasure meeting you Tina.